Police brutally assaulted a Brett Favre look-a-like outside Packers camp early this morning. Reports say while the police were “ninety percent sure” he was not Favre, they did not want to take any chances. The man in question is lifelong Packers fan Kirk Ermatinger. Ermatinger acknowledged the strained relationship between his team and their former QB, but defended his Favre jersey claiming “it’s the only one I own.”
Defensive back Anthony Bratton caught a glance of the fan but assumed it was a mirage. “I thought my mind was playing tricks with me. Must’ve been the heat.”
It was not until Ermatinger was caught on security cameras did law enforcement swoop in. The man was escorted from the facility and heavily questioned. While he had identification, officers at the scene confirmed it looked “flimsy at best.” The officers were ordered to take “zero leniency” and do “anything and everything necessary to eliminate number 4.”
Kirk Ermatinger was escorted by police to a nearby pond and shot twelve times. When Ermatinger survived the initial wounds, multiple officers finished him off citing: “Brett’s come back too many times. He’s like f***ing Jason or something.”
While the real Favre insists he is retired and Green Bay insists they have no need for another quarterback, security has been beefed up around the practice facility to keep the larger than life ex-QB out. Packers GM Ted Thompson encourages other teams to do the same.
Deadspin.com broke the initial story.
*Related: Brett Favre Rise
– Mike Sweeney