AMERICA FINALLY ABLE TO ADMIT U.S. WOMEN KINDA BLEW IT

After over a month of speculation, Americans are finally admitting the U.S. Women’s soccer team kinda blew it in the World Cup. On July 17th the US Women played a thrilling match against Japan losing 2-2 during penalty kicks. Most major media outlets politely congratulated Japan and acknowledged the US team’s heroic effort; but after more than a month, everyone pretty much thinks they dropped the soap.

Hope Solo Catches Her Dinner

“Sure second place is good, but they were up by a goal. Twice!” said Alan Gibbons, a bartender from Albany. Added Michaela Smith: “Three missed PK’s? Three! It’s like they didn’t wanna win!” Many Americans still admit Hope Solo was

"Last time I saw this awesome in men's soccer was..." "Never. The answer is never."

phenomenal, Alex Morgan was a revelation and Abby Wambach’s header was an all time great,; but it is still a tough pill to swallow. Americans have showered the team with love: they appeared on The Daily Show, multiple talk shows, and being hot in public… but three missed penalty kicks? It’s hard to miss one! THREE?!?!?!

“Second place is awesome, they all seem genuinely cool, and Japan really needed the win this year,” says Jocelyn Moore, “but if you lose the World Cup in a tie game, you friggin’ blew it.”

– Mike Sweeney

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