The NBA lockout is in full force with the first two weeks of games already canceled. With the player’s union against the ropes, union leader Derek Fisher issued a public call for Cavaliers guard Baron Davis to stop helping. “Baron is a great guy and fantastic… really good point guard,” said a desperate Fisher, “but we got this. Please you don’t need to come to negotiations anymore. It’s so crowded and… uh… don’t worry about it.”
Heat guard Dwyane Wade was more blunt: “last meeting he literally hooked up an Wii to the monitor and played Mario Galaxy for ten minutes before we made him stop.” “It has not been pretty to say the least,” added Fisher, “He made a three hour speech on why his Boomuniverse website should be the NBA’s official beer sponsor. His site has nothing to di with beer!” Davis is famous for joining teams, causes and rallies out of shape and with little desire to perform, only to become the player he should once it is obvious he will be shipped out of town. Last year during an AIDS walk, Davis gathered up 3,000 people to sponsor him, only to quit after the first half mile. He was carted off the track.
“Baron means well,” said Fisher. “But seriously, stop f***ing helping.”
– Mike Sweeney