The New York media is pouncing all over Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez, who seemingly cannot even lose correctly anymore. The Jets decidedly beat the Buffalo Bills 27-11 to tie for the division lead yesterday with Sanchez going 20 / 28 with 230 yards. “Let’s make it clear: the Jets suck,” said NY Times sports columnist and multiple heart attack survivor Bryan Simmons, “we all knew the Jets would lose and look what that idiot does! He plays well? That’s not Mark Sanchez!”
Even Rex Ryan admitted he was stunned: “we were ready to throw this one in the loss column. I kept calling short run plays and out passes, but he made it work. Shame.” Sanchez was not available for interviews during post game, but was seen sulking in the corner after hearing hordes of New York media members screaming his name in anger.
“He sucks! HE SUCKS!” said William Jenkins, NY Post, “we all know he sucks, so he wins…. and it doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t win football games, he is bad. Even in winning he did something wrong!” Added Rachel Wilson, NY Sludge, “the New york media doesn’t make this stuff up. We know he cannot be a good QB. It has been decided.”
Sanchez was last seen fleeing to his car in the parking lot; dozens of reporters threw projectiles such as cups, microphones and tridents.
– Mike Sweeney