The New Jersey Nets are playing horrifically this season; no need to tell them, they know it. “If we want to stay competitive we need to lose by 5-10 points, not be blown out by 15-20,” says head coach Avery Johnson.
It’s a well known fact the Nets will lose each and every game, but to shockingly lose by this much? “You come to play the game. And to lose the way we’ve been losing… That’s not how I learned to lose. That’s not how this organization wants to lose,” said center Mehmet Okur. Even team treasure and Hollywood statesman Kris Humphries felt disappointed: “Best performance all year has been on the E! Network! BOOM! But seriously we need to play better.”
Top to bottom the organization is under fire. Team owner Mikhail Prokhorov, the Russian Snowman, says if the current regime cannot make The Nets lose the right way, he’ll find someone who can. “I pay these people to lose and walk off the court knowing they tried to play basketball. Not to lose knowing four amputee children could’ve played better defense.”
Prokhorov immediately paused and asked where the nearest hospital was. When asked why he was interested, the Russian Snowman said “nothing” and laughed maniacally while petting his cat and adjusting his monocle.
Nets All Star and American Golden Boy Kris Humphries: