The NCAA released an exciting study today: 2012 has considerably
less fewer rapes than 2011. This is great news for the NCAA which as recently as last year faced several rape, child abuse and molestation charges. But this year is a whole new leaf!
“To already be on Day 12 and not a single public charge of rape is a great triumph,” said NCAA president Mark Emmert. “I think we all deserve a nice, professional, non-violating pat on the back.” 2011 certainly was a down year, with Penn State haunted by child molestation charges, Ohio State students menacingly getting free tattoos, and a Syracuse coach being accused of child molestation. All equally disgraceful acts.
The NCAA hopes to carry this record streak of non-rape charges for another two or three weeks, thus beating its own 2006 record. “That was a great year for us in terms of not abusing children physically and psychologically,” said Emmert. “Maybe one day we can go a whole two months!” Emmert laughed hysterically as every journalist stared at him coldly. “But it’s all very, very sad too.”
RELATED: Bomani Jones on college football playoff.
UPDATE: We have finally reached the point where grammar Nazis are on the site…. yay.