BREAKING: Stunning news out of the nation’s capital. The Washington Wizards announced they will indeed play in the shortened 2011-2012 season. Many speculated the Wizards were far too downtrodden, some would say “pathetic,” to play professional basketball this season.
Even more stunning was the revelation that they have already played 10 games, going 1-9. However, the teams they claim they played against deny such claims. The Chicago Bulls, Boston Celtics and Orlando Magic all vehemently deny ever standing on the same court as The-Team-Formerly-Known-As-The-Bullets. “I would never send my guys on the court agains them,” said Celtics coach Doc Rivers. “Neither team has anything to gain. It’s like watching a man get tortured when he clearly doesn’t know anything. We are the people torturing in this analogy.”
Phoenix Suns general manager Lance Blanks vaguely remembered the Wizards at the draft but thought they must have been lost or on vacation.
Fans throughout the city were confused upon receiving free tickets. “Didn’t they move to Vancouver? A hockey team did? I’m fairly positive it was the Wizards,” said Micah Norman.
The Wizards might not have much to, allegedly, play for this season; a good draft lies in their future, allegedly.