PARK RIDGE, ILL– Describing their situation as “complex,” Big Ten Commissioner James Delaney has decided to finally adjust the conference’s name after two decades of their moniker belying the actual number of member universities.  The commissioner announced the move in a 5:38 am ET conference call to major news organizations, to which he was forty-five minutes late.

This announcement came a year after Delaney marked the inclusion of the organization’s 12th football program, The University of Nebraska-Lincoln, with a split into two divisions, named “Legends” and “Leaders.” Delaney said that, considering the realignment taking place in college football, he couldn’t say for sure whether the number of teams in the Big Ten√-1 would grow or shrink in the near future, and that this was the best way for his forward-thinking conference to adapt.

Big Ten√-1 Commissioner Delaney.

Reaction at member institutions was mixed.  Students at Purdue and Northwestern hailed the move, while a student at Ohio State, when asked about the name change, grinned vacantly before running to a trash can to throw up. Wisconsin governor Scott Walker, perhaps confused at the early hour, initially responded harshly to the move on Twitter, tweeting, “if this overgrown union thinks that they can radicalize in my state, they must be imagining things.”  The governor later issued a retraction.

At the close of the conference call, Delaney, seemingly suppressing giggles, reiterated that the conference’s new official name for publication was in fact “Big Ten√-1,” and should be printed as such.  He gave no word on whether the conference would accept “Big 10i.


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