LINSANITY: CARMELO AND AMARE FIRST TO DIE

Linsanity is sweeping New York City and the NBA and the first casualties are Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire.  Point guard Jeremy Lin has infected the league with a rare disease known as “Linsanity” which includes the following symptoms: having an actual point guard, passing, working with a system D’Antoni actually likes, and proving even when they win the Knicks can somehow piss away $36,736,279 in a season. *

*Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire’s combined salary provided by ESPN.  

"Hey do you feel weird?" "My pee is blue." "Oh."

While many are still in the manic or “exciting” stage, looks like the first fatalities of the disease will be Carmelo Anthony and Amare Stoudemire.  Both superstars entered the decline phase of the disease yesterday after Lin’s fifth consecutive great performance.  Anthony, injured, and Stoudemire, always effing* injured, were sitting on the bench watching a new leader take hold of the Knicks.  Both Knicks training staff and the two all-stars knew something was wrong and they were rushed back into the trainer’s office.

*Fucking.

The medical staff noticed both Anthony had been inflicted with the decline phase of Linsanity but Stoudemire was far worse.  The Knicks ordered Amare be put under in order to avoid further pain; it was an easy call to make.  Anthony’s status is unknown.  “We’ll just have to see where this goes,” said coach D’Antoni, “if Linsanity ends we’d be happy to have Carmelo guide us to the 7th seed, if Linsanity continues?  We’re just going to have to shoot him like a horse.”

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