Sex Appeal

Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ GM Mark Dominik took to the podium this morning to announce the team’s decision on where to place their franchise tag for 2012.  “After a long heated debate and in looking at our roster, it was clear that we had to keep Tiffany the cheerleader on the squad for the 2012 season.  She was an asset that we were not ready to part with and we hope it pays off in the long run.”  The franchise tag will put Tiffany in the top 5 median of NFL Cheerleader salaries, which comes to $70 a game.

There was speculation that the club would place the tag on 4 year veteran PK Connor Barth, however, sources from inside the Buccaneers’ war room said that the plan was changed at the last minute because “it would have been the gayest use of the franchise tag ever”.  When asked about the future for Barth, Dominik reflected “Let’s be honest, the NFL is a business. The owners know it, the players know it, the fans know it as well.  I can say that this was 100% a business decision from our standpoint.  We are in a down economy and we had to ask ourselves a couple of tough questions about what would generate revenue.  What is going to sell more lower level, season tickets: Connor [Barth] booming 50 yard field goals during warm-ups or Tiffany wearing a scantily-clad pirate outfit shaking and gyrating her moneymakers for all of God’s green Earth to see?  We had to go with the sure thing.”  Barth could not be immediately reached for comment and he was last seen drinking heavily behind a Long John Silvers.

Very little to no sex appeal

Fans and players reactions were all supportive of the decision.  “Dude, she got some big knockers.  I can see why they kept her around,” said Gerry Simpson from Clearwater, FL, “I’m a Bucs fan whenever they are relevant, otherwise I don’t care and go fishing.  But shit, I’ll watch the games every now and then if she’s going to be on the sideline.  As long as it’s not on the same time as Cops.”  QB Josh Freeman added his thoughts to the discussion, “Connor is a real stand-up guy; everyone appreciates his contributions over the past couple years.  But as Mr. Dominik said, you have to keep the important pieces in order to win a championship.  That’s our focus and we have the personnel to..ah fuck it, we suck.”


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