It's like a hot high school girlfriend: looks nice, but in eventually won't matter

After a few weeks of intense reporting, speculation and scrutiny, the baseball media has agreed spring training is meaningless.  Rumors swirled earlier last off-season that spring training statistics and performance meant absolutely nothing with regards to a players’ in-season performance; but only recently has it been confirmed.  “We are stunned to believe the new results that spring training statistics and games are meaningless,” said Spring Traning Coordinator Newt Hammimngs.*  “We’re willing to appeal this decision and have our good name and reputation returned.”

*Not a type, this fictional man’s last name has three M’s in it.  

All the major media outlets have hordes of journalists working round the clock in Florida or Arizona to get catch and analyze every last useless detail.  It was SBNation editor Jeff Sullivan who discovered the void of meaning.  “It doesn’t really matter. So… talking about it is… a waste of time?”

Many are contending the results that their hard work, money, hotel rooms, constant typing could be in vain.  In fact, they all wrote 2,000 articles about it.  Lot of words.  About spring training.  And why it is… HAHAHA ANGRY BIRDS!!!

Spring Training contended the spring stats proving a breakout season for Brent Morel.  Yeah.  Sure Brent Morel.  Sure Spring Training.


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