Mets majority owner Fred Wilpon sold his soul to the Devil early this morning, agreeing to become the Ghost Rider in exchange for stability for his beloved (and financially dismal) franchise. The Wilpons were famously fleeced by legendary scammer (and less than steller Poker player) Bernie Madoff, leaving the Mets franchise in a dire financial situation that is affecting the team on and off the field.
But Wilpon may have finally resolved the situation by going straight to Lucifer himself. Rumors swirled early last week that Wilpon was speaking to the Devil, but only as a consultant or perhaps the two were possibly friendly as both are avid golfers. However, the bombshell dropped that Wilpon will serve as the flaming skull Ghost Rider in order for Satan to go over the Mets financial records and act in an advisory fashion to GM Sandy Alderson.
“We’re very excited for the Dark Lord to return to a franchise that he made his home back in the ’80’s,” said Alderson.
Satan was thrilled to have Wilpon on his team: “We have a deal in place, but nothing is official until he passes a physical and the paperwork goes through the GM’s office.” The deal is reportedly for eternity or damnation, whichever comes first for Wilpon, with an option for servitude as Grim Reaper in the last two billion years.
It was an interesting free agency period for Lucifer as the Ghost Rider was a heavily coveted position: Dodgers owner Frank McCourt, former manager Tony La Russa and Satan’s good friend Jerry Jones all were interviewed. But Wilpon’s wonderlic score and ceaseless desperation put him over the top. Actor Nicolas Cage, who portrayed the Rider in two Hollywood films, reportedly met with Satan and lit his own head on fire to show his desire, but the two could not agree on terms.
“It’s definitely a good fit,” said Satan, “Now he just needs to perform on the field.”