Local creepers are packing their windowless vans and reserving their damp motel rooms to make it to softball spring training in Florida. The nation’s creepers spent all winter growing out their fingernails, watching late night infomercials and drinking week old milk all while pining for the days of spring; now that softball season is about to begin, these creepers have a reason to go outside again. “Mumble, grumble, mumble I like the game and the skirts, good to… in the… I like watching,” says creeping legend Abe. Just Abe.
Just to save time most creepers use their mugshots as team photos
Creepers use this time to train for the upcoming softball season; many prepare their parking techniques on the side of the highway, arriving six hours early to a softball game, trying on new windbreaker jackets, and, of course, experimenting with new and innovative lensing. “Most old timers stick with the classic binocular look,” says 47 creep up and comer Cody Lassater. “But us young pups prefer telephoto lensing, some even use straight up telescopes. Those are the radicals changing this game.”
Others are experimenting with camouflage outfits, hiding low in the grass for a more “deep in shit” feel.
The new technology has elevated their game
Most creepers spend the off season getting some much needed relaxation before returning to training; but some take year round care of their minds and bodies. “You always want to be able to… perform, so to speak,” says Wisconsin creeper Joseph Klinski. “You got to creep year round. Indoor soccer, local Y basketball, never want to let your swing get out of whack or binocular hold get tilted. Always want to be ready to watch people perform at their best at your best.”
When asked what she thought of the creepers, University of Maryland centerfielder Kasey Horn said “um…”
Just then, Abe, Just Abe, parallel parked right into a parking meter, almost falling out of the car in embarrassment. Even for the future hall of famers, it is only spring training.
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