JEWISH GOLFER SPENDS 40 YEARS IN SANDTRAP

Posted on May 10, 2012 by This Is The Sports

Jewish professional golfer David Sherman spent the last 40 years lost in a small sand trap just outside the 15th green. Sherman finally exited the bunker early this morning looking old, haggard and exhausted.

“I think I see my ball! It’s ten years that way!”

40 years ago to the day Sherman decided to layup his shot with a 6 iron; a risky move that his caddy at the time thoroughly discouraged. “There was a group behind us in a hurry, and we couldn’t let them pass us,” says Sherman. “My people have been through enough. We will not turn back.”

Sherman hooked it slightly as the ball landed longer than the golfer intended: dead center of the bunker. Sherman embarked on his journey with his caddy searching for the ball. Thus his adventure began.

The caddy questioned Sherman’s knowledge of the bunker, saying they could easily take two steps to the right. Sherman relented. “I call the shots.”

When he finally got the “promised land” or the 15th green, Sherman said all he wants to do is make par. The caddy died.

“I’m not sure this is the way, I’m gonna turn around”

TODAY IN OVEREXPOSED WOMEN’S SPORTS

Posted on April 3, 2012 by femaledemographic

Let’s just dive right in, shall we?

To the surprise of absolutely no one and the notice of a very few, alumnae of the University of Connecticut dominated the women’s basketball roster for this year’s Olympics (The Olympics are coming! The Olympics are coming!). The Geno Auriemma-coached squad reportedly declined to be fitted for official Team USA jerseys, opting instead to “just stick with the colors that got us here,” according to the unapologetically stately-haired Auriemma.
Jersey abandoner, 6-pack aficionado and all-around gal’s gal Brandi Chastain traded in her shin guards for a sand wedge at this past weekend’s Michael Jordan Celebrity Invitational. She and partner John Smoltz (Ret. P-Atlanta Braves) defeated other notable weekend-golfers such as former NBA Inside Stuff Main Man Ahmad Rashad, “The Office” (US Version) cast member Brian Baumgartner, and hockey wife and mother of five, Janet Jones-Gretzky. “It’s not about beating Michael,” Chastain said. Poppycock. Of course it’s about beating Michael! This is the sort of stuff great obituaries are made of. You go, girl.

Chastain, with shirt buckled in, defeats MJ at golf.

According to her Twitter feed, Venus Williams had to write a paper. And it was hard. And apparently about math.

I'd rather be tennising.

And as if winning fancy golf tournaments and writing on a deadline wasn’t enough for them, it appears that females are ruining sports, in general.(Though you probably already knew that.) Thanks to the allegedly questionable fashion choices on the part of some lady journos, Major League Baseball announced at the end of last year that they will be instigating and enforcing a new dress code policy for media members, presumably set to kick in with the start of the 2012-2013 season. The new guidelines are the result of a pow-wow held by MLB officials in response to a September 2010 incident regarding a) The New York Jets and 2) a Mexican TV reporter. According to one, good-for-nothing girl writer, things have gotten “a little too casual” out at the ol’ ball game. So if any of you were hoping to spy an errant bra-strap or a little extra leg during post-game interviews, well you can just forget it. Better luck watching NFL or NBA coverage, because, let’s face it: anything goes in those two dens of vipers.

So now you know what the ladies have been up to. Check back next week for some more pillow talk and your weekly dose of sports as social commentary (hint: it will probably have something to do with some old broad whose color palette may or may not include “Masters Green”).

RORY MCILROY CHARMS SANDTRAP INTO HAVING A DRINK

Posted on March 12, 2012 by This Is The Sports

Number 1 golfer in the world Rory McIlroy convinced a nearby bunker to let his ball go and have a drink. The charming Irish youngster was laying up on the 14^th hole when his ball rolled into the front, steep end of the sandtrap. The Irishman kept his wits about him and immediately strolled over to the bunker with a clever limerick on hand and followed up with a story about the bunker’s home town, which coincidentally McIlroy’s cousin lives in.