STUFF I KNOW WEEK 8

Week 8 sandwich lovers! Another classic NFL week! Slightly melancholy knowing it is the halfway point, but some of you more astute students of The Dowd know the NFL regular season is 17 weeks! HAZAA! So the halfway point is not even until Wednesday… maybe not even official until Wednesday late afternoon, borderline evening! That’s the best part of a 17 week schedule and 7 day week: odds!  I think so.

STUFF I LEARNED

Spent most of my week Tebowing in random locations. Before the seasons out, I will Tebow at a Denny’s in every state. This week I got California and Arizona. It’s going to be a tough goal considering I cannot / will not fly. But I think it’s possible. Worth it it? ABSOLUTELY! Maybe the best idea? POSSIBLY!

Got a great email this week from frequent reader GIL. He said I got a bit of a man crush on my gunslingin’ Tebow. I wouldn’t call it a crush, to be honest, he’s the one who got crushed yesterday! ZING! I’m thinking it’s more of a distance related fondness.*

*And if there’s one thing the Dowd knows, it’s those never work. I’ve been in many distance related trysts in my day; communication is the key. One on one quality time makes that stuff work. The minute distance, texting, police, binoculars and changed addresses get in the way, time to call it quits. Or try harder….

Where are the Redskins going? Originally this NO QB experiment took the NFL by storm. All the Tebowmania must have them reeling for an actual QB. Shame to give up on an interesting game plan after 3 straight losses.

But most of this week’s kudos goes to the St. Louis Rams. The very same 1-7 Rams that looked lost for 7 straight weeks turned it around against the Nahlens Saints and won! Right after the baseball Cardinals won a World Series!* Coincidence? I think not. I think these guys have turned a corner and are about the be on fire. They could easily go on an undefeated streak and get a wild card spot. Then? WHO KNOWS?! Maybe this is destiny. Maybe this is St. Louis’ year. Sure looks like it. 2011: The year of St. Louis. My favorite French saint.

*Thank god it ended when it did. If I missed any of my precious football because of a baseball game, I’d lose it. I’m not kidding. I’d throw my Dowdchairs right out of Dowdstudios into the Dowdstreet. 

GUNSLINGA OF THE WEEK

This week’s gunslinga hs got to be MATT STAFFORD! The young pupslinga* threw a grit covered 3 TD performance. All while hurt! The man cannot catch a break as he gets roughed up worse than Detroit’s economy. Those defenders sure #occupiystafford if ya know what I mean! I’m referring to the occupy Wall Street thing! To think people say young people are not involved in our country; look at them! They’re not out there because they got nothing better to do! They all took off work and are out there busting their humps! Giving up good earned money to show those fat cats what’s what! Just like Stafford. They fall and get back up again. With signs. And that’s what a good QB uses: signs. Pupslinga, enjoy your bacon cheeseburger with swiss. Ya earned it.

*Baby gunslinga. Formerly known as Cribslingas, Cradleslingas, Kinderslingas, and Daycareslingas. Next level up? Basicmathslingas!

THE DOWD JONES INDEX

1. Eagles – pulling out a dominate 34-7 spanking on those Cowboys. Division rivalries are always the best, especially when it is one as intense as this. D coordinator Rob Ryan says the game is on him: I think it is possible. That defense couldn’t defend a turkey running from a Pilgrim.*

*Dowdsgiving!

2. Steelers – say what you want about Big Ben personally: the man can rape a football team.

3. Detroit – See above, maybe. That Matt Stafford* rockets that pocket. Are they poised for the dance? YES. Dowd’s calling it here: Detroit Lions, Oakland Raiders SuperBowl. Maybe it isn’t St. Louis’ year. That’s the beauty of football, POOF! It’s gone!

*Mafford? DOWDNAMED!

4. San Fran – Jim Harbaugh can slap anyone’s hand he damn pleases because his team is going all the way! You heard it here first: San Francisco – Pittsburgh Super Bowl.

5. Bills – $59 million big ones for that Ryan Fitzpatrick fellow. Harvard grad? Millionaire? PAH! Occup Him! This guy is one of those top 1% fat cats the Dowd hates. He’s ruining this game. Look at the NBA: they are all locked out because they are all 1%ers. Maybe this needs to end. High schoolers play for fun. Gladiators play for honor. Not this money nonsense. Dowd wants none of it.

5A. Rams – St. Louis’ year! 2011 St. Louis Rams will be in the Super Bowl. But against who? Time will tell us. Using signs, like Mafford! Will it be Detroit they face? Maybe.

5B. Vikings – Christian Ponder has all the grit and guile of a winner. 2-6? Soon to be 10-6. That’s right I’m calling big wins down the road for them. So long as he learns to option like the Gunslingin’ Tebow. He can show him a thing or two.

HALFWAY POINTS

All these winners get half sandwich. Plus a soup. I think they all deserve some soup. It’s a bit extra than a sandwich for the effort they put in.

LEAGUE MVP: Got to be REX GROSSMAN. Just look at the Skins. He barely did anything for them and they won 3 games. Then he starts throwing the ball and they switched QBs? Their no QB strategy was phenomenal. He was a game manager at his finest and now they’re learning the hard way not to mess with Sexy Rexy.

COACH OF THE YEAR: Jon Gruden. Sure he ain’t on the sidelines, he’s in the booth working Monday Night Football. But the game is his to own: the way he speaks shows his grittiness has not outweighed his guileness. The man knows the game and needs to be on the sidelines, with a headset, yelling at men in their mid-20’s.

EXECUTIVE OF THE YEAR: Al Davis. My hero and mentor did his best work this year. Even orchestrating to brilliant post-death trade of Carson Palmer. Palmer’s earned no sandwiches yet, but his grit makes things in Oakland look possibly bright.

– Rick Dowdman

 

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