Highlights of 2011 season:
February 11: Group intervention for Michael Young successfully convinces him to give up damaging fielding addiction.
February 22: The Angels acquire Vernon Wells.
March 29: Rangers GM Jon Daniels turns 21 birthday bash!
June 2: Ron Washington fails 1 less cocaine test than 2010.
September 20: Moneyball premiere ruins Oakland A’s confidence; Rangers have division in the bag.
September 30: Won AL West division.
October 7: Won ALDS.
October 19: Won ALCS.
October 28: No traffic on way to airport after World Series Game 7.
October 31: Adrian Beltre’s torn testicle video gets one millionth youtube hit.
Prepare to lose 2012 World Series.
Let Yankees overpay for destined to be bad CJ Wilson.
Find taker for “2011 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION TEXAS RANGERS” T-shirts.
Catch up on Rick Perry debates.
Find someone to replace Michael Young from batting order in 2012, then team in 2013, then Texas in 2014.
Build fence to keep filthy Astros sneaking over the border into their rightful owned American League.
The President of GM Operations
Tough cookies for those Texans. Two straight World Series losses, can’t buy them a sandwich! Poor guys played hard and right, though. Maybe. I think they deserve another shot next year. All season they were overshadowed by the media in their own division: the Angels got Vernon, Oakland got a movie, Mariners got even worse. Maybe next year they’ll creep up on people again! Possibly!
– Rick Dowdman
Rangers lost a classic Game 6 and then a less classic Game 7. The key was managing: Ron Washington let his guys in too long. The new trend is the four inning pitcher and it is only getting smaller. The relief market is heavy this year, plus Michael Young could be expendable in a trade. Stack up on enough relievers to pitch seven or eight guys a game. Also, find another Mike Napoli. Three if you can spare.
– Stats 360%