49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh was involved in not one, but two slightly excessive celebrations yesterday. After jumping up and down and possibly showing up Lions coach Jim Schwartz following the Niners win in a terrific game,* Harbaugh strolled down through his neighborhood whistling dixie with a pep in his step; the former Stanford coach saw a young group of schoolgirls playing double dutch in the school yard and since the young coach prides himself on being your “everyday neighbor,” he joined the girls for a game. After multiple tries, a stretching session and loud, creative obscenities, Harbaugh finally beat little Stacey’s record; the coach released epic chants of “LOZA! LOZA” toward the child, kicked dirt in her eyes and spit on her face. He then chest bumped the other two girls, who immediately collapsed onto the concrete. Harbaugh then ran into the street screaming “I AM A TITAN!” saying he needed to get home to down a 5 hour energy and watch 300.
Harbaugh’s actions against Schwartz will heretofore be known as JIM-GATE, easily becoming one of the most famous handshake controversies ever.** Harbaugh is previously famous for WHAT’SYOURDEAL-GATE in which he and resident NFL dude Pete Carroll had an awkward moment during post game handshakiness.
– Mike Sweeney
*When was the last time those two ahve played a good game? And against each other? Oh football.
**Also one of the rare ones not involving Belechik.