The competitive juices did not stop flowing Tuesday morning as the New York Jets hit the catering tent after practice. Linebackers Bart Scott and Calvin Pace, both known as fierce gridiron combatants, went up for thirds and found there was one single, solitary piece of Chicken Marsala left. Scott claimed that it belonged to him, as he had arrived in line first. Pace thought otherwise, touting his tackling prowess in that morning’s scrimmage had been superior, and thus the chicken should be his. A stalemate ensued.
A compromise was proposed by back up guard Caleb Schlauderaff. The Utah graduate, a bright young lad, suggested that the two feuding footballers should roshambo for the last piece of mushroom covered fowl.* Scott and Pace agreed that this would be a decisive course of action, and a coin flip would precede the melee. Starting fullback John Conner retrieved a quarter from his jersey, and Scott called tails as the coin did a pirouette in the air. It landed tails, and Pace took the golden opportunity to call first kick. Scott braced himself for impact as Pace reared back his size 12 Reebok cleat in anticipation. The opening salvo was at hand.
There would be no return fire. Scott collapsed to the ground in immense pain, and screamed for the team doctor. The medical staff rushed to his side, called for the cart, and escorted him to the locker room. Pace, pleased with himself, reached for a new plate and fork, as some of Scott’s spittle had landed on his previous set.
Pace did not finish the chicken, as he diagnosed himself as too full three quarters into the filet. Scott will be out 6 to 8 weeks.
– Chris Bacarella