DEATHROW INMATE TURNS DOWN BOBCATS OFFER

Deathrow inmate Jarrod Munch turned down an offer from the Charlotte Bobcats which would have taken him off the execution slab; but Munch reportedly refused despite the guaranteed $7 million a year for 8 years.  “The timing just wasn’t right,” said Munch, lying down calmly on the table as the doctor grabbed the alcohol swabs.  “I didn’t want to put myself in a bad situation.”

This was what you get when you google “Bobcats 2012 Highlights”

Insiders claim Munch would’ve signed anywhere else but the troubled bobcats.  Charlotte went through hoops just to speak with Munch, who’s been a star in the Louisiana Penal League, and Charlotte’s best chance at getting a college level athlete with high school ball handling skills.

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NBA AMNESTIES CHARLOTTE BOBCATS FROM LEAGUE

BREAKING:  The NBA used its amnesty clause on the Charlotte Bobcats early this morning in a shocking move.  The amnesty clause states the league can drop one team while paying its salary without having that payment b counted under the new salary cap.  While shocked by the timing, many analysts see this as a wise move.

"We could all be Juwanna Mann's if we believe it"

The Bobcats can sign with Turkey or, pending a good showing at training camp, the WNBA.  The Bobcats were definitely on thin ice this season and looked like an amnesty possibility, however, more expensive, useless franchises such as the Phoenix Suns and Toronto Raptors seemed like more logical candidates for release; however the league saw rebound potential in those  franchises.

Not the Bobcats.

“They were definitely a franchise that brought little value to our roster as we understood it,” said commissioner David Stern.  “We would like to thank the Bobcats for their service and wish them the best of luck.”   Other analysts were not as forgiving: “the Bobcats had to go.  They were a complete waste of roster space!”  “They are draining the entire league with their play.”  “Everything about them is horrible, with their fat gut, inability to hustle if team is sinking, slow, ineffective defense and that beard… I’m sorry you said Baron Davis correct?”

UPDATE: The Bobcats have signed with China.