NFL GETS DRUNK, SHOWS UP AT SAINTS’ TO “PARTY”

The NFL showed up in New Orleans extremely intoxicated late last night looking for a “fun time” with former flame the New Orleans Saints.  However, the Saints were not having it.  The two were formerly a hot item as recently as 2010 when the two had a steamy relationship starting the night of the Super Bowl.  Recently, the two have not been friendly.

Yeah, they totally banged.

Sources say ever since the bounty scandal the two have not spoken, even though the NFL has texted the Saints numerous times.  The NFL has recently asked LSU for some advice, but they sided with their close friend.

Still begging for the Saints love, the league got hammered in the city and showed up at the Superdome at 4:37 am, screaming for the Saints to come out.  The franchise reluctantly opened the door, only once the NFL broke down into tears begging for forgiveness.  Once inside, the Saints cracked open a bottle of wine and the two talked about Brees, bounties, Sean Payton and even a little bit about coach Bill Parcells.

The Saints, admittedly against better judgement, downed the drin and had one last go with the league; “one for the road” so to speak.

The NFL could be seen drunkenly stumbling out of the stadium early in the morning.  The Saints would not comment and said they are “fully committed to themselves right now.”

Advertisements

DARREN SPROLES VOMITING INSIDE HUDDLE TO STAY THIN

More health problems for the NFL: Saints running back Darren Sproles admitted to repeatedly vomiting in the huddle to stay thin.  After receiving pressure and support from teammates, Sproles opened up to the media saying he has an image problem.  “I have a problem and am currently seeking treatment for it.  I vomit in the huddle.  First it was because I was sick and did not have time to run off the field.  Then a few hard hits came.  Then it just felt good to relieve myself,”  Sproles then broke down for a few moments.  “There’s so much pressure in this league, you know?”

"Hey... you're not gonna puke on me are you?"

The pint sized running back said his weight, listed at 190lbs, hurt his confidence.  “I didn’t know if I should bulk up and be a full back or stay slim and be a short pass option…. there’s just so much judgement on how we should look!”  He mentions the Combine specifically for encouraging this emphasis on weight and image.  Numerous lineman every season admit to having body issues, but no one as important or exciting as Sproles (he is a running back after all).

Though this is a difficult time for Darren Sproles, he mentioned he is seeking treatment and learning to love the insanely muscular, near physically perfect body he has.