GOLFERS TRADE CADDIES

"Smile Jeff" "It's Chris" "Shut the fuck up Jeff"

In a shocking deadline move Bo Van Pelt and Rickie Fowler have swapped caddies. The two world ranked challengers admitted their current slumps called for a change; both caddies were stunned. “Never thought I’d leave that squad ya know,” said one of the teary eyed nameless caddies.* “The team, the bag, the clubs, the golfer… classy organization through and through.” Considering both bag carriers’ current high salaries, which is insane, Van Pelt will also receive a minor league caddy or a high numbered iron to be named later. After completion of the trade neither golfer remembered which caddy was his.

Both caddies cried.

– Mike Sweeney

*He insisted on giving us a name. We insisted we will forget, it does not matter caddy. 

TIGER WOODS PLAYS GOLF; THAT’S IT

Tiger returned to the golf course today and did not have sex with anyone or fight or yell. All he did was play golf. He was not even that good.

Tiger swinging for the million billionth time

Seriously. That’s it. 18 holes of golf. For like… five hours.

The highly publicized and televised event shifted to reruns of Frasier.

– Mike Sweeney