JENNINGS LAMBEAU LEAPS INTO 9TH ROW; BREAKS RECORD

Yes love me! LOVE ME!!!

Greg Jennings made Packer history yesterday. After receiving a 17 yard touchdown pass from Aaron Rodgers, Jennings spiked the ball and did no ordinary Lambeau Leap: he jumped straight into the 9th row making him the Lambeau Leap champion. Jennings, 28, is quickly looking like the greatest receiver in Green Bay history. This record should only firm that belief.

Congratulations to Jennings!

Brett Favre claimed interest in taking back his previous record of jumping to the 7th row, but seriously screw that guy.

– Mike Sweeney

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POCKET SO GOOD RODGERS TAKES POWER NAP

"Wha...? Holy crap I hope no one saw that."

Green Bay Packers QB Aaron Rodgers took a quick power nap in a 30-23 victory over the Carolina Panthers. On a tense 3rd and 12 during the third quarter, Green Bay came out with a 5 receiver spread formation clearly signaling a pass play. As Rodgers called hike, the formidable offensive line held the modest pass rush with ease; the passers downfield were not so lucky as they were covered everywhere. The Super Bowl MVP continued to patiently drop back for so long he quickly set up an air mattress* and took a 5 minute power nap. Once awake, Rodgers made a 6 yard short pass to the running back.

Later in the fourth, Rodgers again dropped back and spent a few minutes enjoying Cormac McCarthy’s The Road.**

– Mike Sweeney

*Making sure his knee and elbows never touched the ground. 

**He thought it was “okay.”

FAVRE IMPERSONATOR GIVEN SWIFT JUSTICE

Police brutally assaulted a Brett Favre look-a-like outside Packers camp early this morning. Reports say while the police were “ninety percent sure” he was not Favre, they did not want to take any chances. The man in question is lifelong Packers fan Kirk Ermatinger. Ermatinger acknowledged the strained relationship between his team and their former QB, but defended his Favre jersey claiming “it’s the only one I own.”

"I'm sorry officer... Brett Who?"

Defensive back Anthony Bratton caught a glance of the fan but assumed it was a mirage. “I thought my mind was playing tricks with me. Must’ve been the heat.”

It was not until Ermatinger was caught on security cameras did law enforcement swoop in. The man was escorted from the facility and heavily questioned. While he had identification, officers at the scene confirmed it looked “flimsy at best.” The officers were ordered to take “zero leniency” and do “anything and everything necessary to eliminate number 4.”

Kinda like this only they all had cheeseheads on

Kirk Ermatinger was escorted by police to a nearby pond and shot twelve times. When Ermatinger survived the initial wounds, multiple officers finished him off citing: “Brett’s come back too many times. He’s like f***ing Jason or something.”

While the real Favre insists he is retired and Green Bay insists they have no need for another quarterback, security has been beefed up around the practice facility to keep the larger than life ex-QB out. Packers GM Ted Thompson encourages other teams to do the same.

Alright, stab the virgins on 2. Ready? Break!

Deadspin.com broke the initial story.

*Related: Brett Favre Rise 

– Mike Sweeney