STFU NOOBS! The internet has gone haywire.

Following the cancellation of the first two weeks of the NBA season, NBA bloggers are going off the deep end. The bloggers, mostly middle aged men looking for a non-sexual, drug related escape from their horrifically mundane family lives, are struggling to get their precious NBA back. “We dedicate hours every day watching the games, then staying up late to blog on it ordo it the next morning when we should be at work,” said Hornets blogger CP3-PO. “How am I supposed to look my kid in the eye? Seriously. I never have.”

Others enjoyed the family time this recent off season gave them. “We only had the occasional ‘lockout’ update so it has been a slow few months,” said Kings blogger Techsheed Wallfoul. “My wife just had twins in September but… come on enough’s enough.” “Have you seen the s*** my kid watches on TV? It’s horrible!” cries Knicks blogger MeloMare. “I want my TV! I will punch him in the face if I have to watch more Blues Clues!”

The spouses are just as concerned: “many male and female bloggers learn to split their internet and normal lives,” said Julie Burkitz, a local psychologist. “But the more this lockout goes on the more I hear about angry couples screaming memes at each other and the other does not know why. Damn you David Stern. Are you proud of yourself?”

Many bloggers are forming an OCCUPY STERN STREET movement to stand outside NBA office sin Manhattan. However, most bloggers needed a ride to the event and there was “no chance in hell” they’d ask their wives.

– Mike Sweeney