The Oakland Raiders are looking to forgive and forget the Carson Palmer trade completed last week after realizing “he kind of sucks.” Raiders coach Hue Jackson called the Bengals immediately following yesterdays 28-0 loss to the Kansas City Chiefs. “We had not seen him play in so long, he’s really bad… It’s been years since 2006,” said a distraught Jackson, referring to Palmer’s last great season. “I’ve been talking with the Bengals, hopefully we can work something out to send Palmer back and forget this whole thing ever happened. It was sort of a dick move on their part.”

Please don't send me back there.... please god no....

The trade was hailed as a genius move by the Raiders following Jason Campbell‘s season ending injury; Palmer refused to play for the Bengals and demanded a trade or he would retire. Bengals owner Mike Brown refused to trade Palmer, until a desperate Oakland needed the QB. Win-win for all. “Until he started playing…” said Jackson, with a tall drink in hand. ¬†Palmer replaced Kyle Boller in the fourth quarter and managed to match Boller’s 3 interception performance in only one quarter of play. Impressive, really. The Bengals could not be reached for comment as they were reportedly “jumping up and down like little girls, smoking cigars and handing out hundred dollar bills to each other.”

– Mike Sweeney