JAY CUTLER HOPES TO FEEL EMOTION THIS YEAR; HAPPY PREFERRED

Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler hopes to finally feel an emotion in the 2011 season. The stoic, baby-faced gunslinger hopes it will happiness. Friends and teammates are excited that “Jay finally wants to feel.” “It’s good he wants this,” said teammate Brian Urlacher. “It’s about time he became less machine and felt like a human.”

"You won the lottery Jay!" "Oh."

Defenders of the QB claim Cutler has a brilliant poker face, while detractors claims he has no desire or heart for the game. Nothing exemplified this controversy more than last year’s NFC Championship Game when Cutler’s guts were called into question by former and current players alike.

Cutler explained that was a difficult time for him. “It was whatever,” says the bland, chubby cheeked captain. He remains optimistic that this is the year he’ll finally feel. We asked Cutler what his second emotional choice would be: anger or sadness. “I don’t know. Either’s fine I guess.”

– Mike Sweeney

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