Crastins in the lead
Retired Nascar legend Bo Crastins has been arrested for drag racing late last night in his motorized wheelchair. Crastins, the all time leader in intentional crashes, is in a Fullerton, Tennessee prison and is expecting to post bail this morning. “It’s a shame,” says champion Kyle Busch. “A guy like that was so competitive. If you ever passed him or nudged him he’d straight up drive into you. Good to see he’s still racing though.” “He was not just some guy,” says driver Tony Stewart. “He was one of the all time greats.”
Crastins was known for his hard nosed attitude and willingness to crash into walls, cars and in one 1982 incident, the opponent’s pit crew, in order to win. “Still not sure how he thought he’d win after crashing into the current winner,” says former team owner Dusty Caldwell. “It just means someone else will take the lead. But Bo never worried about that.”
Crastins had a hard time after Nascar. He was arrested numerous times for speeding while driving his kids to school in a minivan and repeatedly pestering neighbors by foot racing their dogs during afternoon strolls.
In 1998, however, tragedy struck: Crastins, in yet another race related accident involving a segway scooter and Hummer, was paralyzed.* But a true racer never stops. Crastins took to his motorized wheelchair with the same reckless abandon of everything else, crashing into super market patrons, women in parking lots and going down steeps hills in pure ecstasy.
“The man’s a racer,” added Caldwell. “He gonna race.”
UPDATE: Bo Crastins has fled prison and is currently in a high speed chase on a local highway. Several police cars are trying to catch up to his wheelchair.
SECOND UPDATE: Bo Crastins crashed into a Volvo.
– Mike Sweeney
*Yes. Bo Crastins thought he could beat a Hummer in a segway scooter. Almost did before he crashed into it.