MY BRAIN HURTS WITH DR. HELMET I

Dr. Helmet is This Is The Sports resident doctor on staff.  Dr. Helmet graduated Harvard medical school at age 14 and was wunderkind throughout his life before a traumatic rugby injury left the poor Doc with 74 concussions.  

football

eli manning got knocked up and down field many time on sunday.  the helmet on his think circle almost flew away!  but he play good, tuffer then brother pey-tun.  pey-tun hurt his neck in surgical boo boo and now may never play again.  does this make eli better than pey-tun?  some say yes, but trust a man with 74 concussions, no, it absolutely does not and that is the dumbest comparison ever.

Something's wrong.... SOMETHING'S WRONG!

ray lewis say he not retire. good. nfl needs ray lewis tackling on football field not random people in grocery stores. baltimore grocery stores are dangerous enuff.

hockey

why won’t sidney crosby brain work?  it broked so long ago that it should be better.  perhaps he should go to germany like kobe system to get that experimental surgery where they take blood from wolverine of the x-men and give it to athletes to make them heal better.

hugh jackman continues to save lives.

basketball

bucks center andrew bogut is out idnefinitely.  but we need to know when exactly.  how?  we send in a specialist mystery solver.  who?  sherlock holmes.  but which one?  benedict cuberbatch’s british sly master or robert downey jr.s awesome slow motion blow-em-upster.  both?  yes.  both.

baseball

tigers signs sir prince fielder because v-mart tore his vhs in freak accident.  too bad for v-mart, not he may have to be traded if tigers want miguel cabrera to dh.  he is only two haphazard drinking bnges away from 300 pounds.

Bow before the Over-Human