NASCAR FANS OUTRAGED OVER GAY DALE JR. COMMERCIAL

Fans of popular NASCAR driver and Wrangler spokesman Dale Earnhardt, Jr. took to social media yesterday evening to voice their disgust over a new 30 second commercial that they describe as “Queerer than a 3 dollar bill“.  “Dem Wrangler people are a bunch of gay homos!  They thinking Little Dale likes men and stuff; he likes boobies and cooters! #88notgay” tweeted @nickelback4life.  #88notgay was the top trending topic as of 11 PM last evening on Twitter.  “We apologize if our most recent ad was seen as offensive by some of Mr. Earnhardt’s supporters,” said Eric Wiseman, CEO of Wrangler International, “We were attempting to reach a demographic that we felt was overlooked with our previous ad campaigns.  In no way were we trying to bring negative attention to our product or alienate our current customer base.”

How could this pose be seen as gay?

The 30 second ad takes place in a dance club with multiple males dancing to “We Are Family” by Sister Sledge.  All of the dancers are wearing some form of Wrangler Jean product, although some alterations were made in order to create jean shorts or “Jorts“.  The camera pans to a shirtless Dale Jr. in skin tight jeans, drinking a Fuzzy Navel at the bar.  “I’m comfortable in my own skin.  Sometimes, I like going to the local bar and dancing with just guys.  It’s not gay yet, but we’ll see what happens.  I think the bartender put an extra shot of peach schnapps in here; total Zac Efron look-a-like!!  I’m comfortable in Wrangler…Guns and Budweiser suck!”  Marketing experts believe that the last line is the reason why so many fans our upset with the commercials content.

Totally just went 6 to Midnight...

“This is a great moment for NASCAR,” exclaimed Brian France, CEO of NASCAR “The outrage over Dale’s new commercial will completely overshadow how awful of a spectator sport we produce.  Our goal for the 2012 season is to increase the amount of off-the-track issues from last year and direct all of our media attention to them.  2012 couldn’t have started on a better note in our eyes.”

Despite public outcry, Wrangler Jeans says that it will continue the commercial in all media markets and is already filming another controversial ad with former NFL quarterback Brett Favre.  Little is known about the contents of the ad, but sources have confirmed that it will be marketed towards Hipsters, Apple Users, and other “Artistic, but not successful Artistic so they are just unemployed and annoy most of the population” types.

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PENN STATE BOARD FIRES JOE PA AFTER REVIEWING FACEBOOK

Joe Paterno

Legendary Penn State football coach Joe Paterno was fired yesterday amid the current Penn State scandal. The board of trustees claim their decision came after several hours of surfing twitter and facebook. “We wanted to know what the young people were thinking,” said board member Alan Tudusky. “Who better to represent our society than a bunch of college kids who don’t vote, drink on Thursdays and can clearly express their opinions in 140 characters or less.”

They used a comprehensive system of tallying posts or tweets supporting Paterno, calling for him to be fired and merely expressing awe at the situation. In the end, America decided Father Joe’s fate.

The most popular tweets / posts:

1. Wow man, seriously, like this whole Penn State is crazy. Football is one thing but right and wrong is another, Paterno has to go

2. Mind blown! Paterno has to go becuz kids are so important and small

3. Joe Pa didn’t rape any kids! If he did not do that he is innocent!

4. Even though I’m 40 I have never met Joe Pa but I feel his effect every day, which is why I never stop applying to Penn State 

5. Retweet if you’re PROUD OF NICKELBACK!

6. If Paterno is fired I’m going to semi-riot roflmao #somad

“We will be holding a toll free text-a-thon to see if Mike McQueary will be voted off or remain for the final round! Stay tuned!” The board stressed they are not making light of the situation but hope to be renewed for a second season on FOX.

Joe Pa will replace Piers Morgan on America’s Got Talent starting next week.

– Mike Sweeney