The New Orleans Saints have contracted local badass Omar Little to find out who snitched on their bounty program. Little, a man known for getting answers and carrying a shotgun, has worked with many franchises before for internal investigations. “We are currently trying to find answers on our end,” said Saints coach Sean Payton. “We believed Mr. Little can provide a valuable service. His reputation speaks for itself with his involvement taking down the Barksdale organization, a substantial service taking down the Stanfield organization, obliterating the Wilson organ…” “I ain’t had nothing to do with that,” interrupted Little. Payton, and everyone, stared at Omar confused and concerned.
An NFL investigation alleges the Saints were involved in a bounty program; financial rewards were given to defensive players who hurt opposing players, including possibly ending the careers of Kurt Warner and the first ever Tebow, Brett Favre. Little has been seen whistling through the Saints facilities searching for those who may have ‘snitched’ on the organization. He allegedly snuck into the locker room dressed as a janitor, revealing the mop to be a shotgun and demanded answers from several special teams members.
*Unrelated: Saints special teams player Byron Tate was recently shot in the leg in the team’s locker room.
Little refused to disclose whether or not he had any answers or leads; he just stared at me. Right in the eyes. I peed… I urinated my pants when he looked at me…
The NFL has no problem with Little surveying the team, so long as he does not interfere with their own investigation. Last time and NFL squad contacted Omar Little several Seattle Seahawks were involved in severe bribary scandals.*
*Never heard about that did you? Oh, indeed.
Little wanted it to be known that his investigation will not be called “Omargate.” When he decides on an appropriate suffix he will find us… who’s whistling?