MEDIA DUSTS OFF NOSTALGIC BASEBALL PHOTOS

Suns rise over the ballparks.

Lucky mitts are dusted off.

Pitchers and catchers report.

Familiar emotion-manipulating articles about the majesty of baseball begins.

Yes... a simpler time where crime never happened....

Baseball spring training is here and the players are not the only ones getting a head start this year.  Members of the mainstream media are frantically dusting off their old, nostalgic photos of baseball; many featuring silhouettes of legendary players leaning on bats, of an obscure team favorite laughing, a child’s first ballpark visit or, most popular, an unknown groundskeeper watering the field.

The start of the baseball season is an exciting time for those owning tear jerking photographs of the past.  “This is definitely our busy season,” said old photographer Mort Charlock.  “People don’t want expensively framed photos of an umpire ejecting Casey Stengel with the caption ‘heave ho, umpire!’  Nut now some old journalists who needs to write about baseball despite their being literally nothing to say will rehash an old article, find a familiar picture and maybe force in a tenuous connection with a memory he has of his father.”

Look as they wipe away the sin for a new generation of people who never do wrong things

More importantly, since this is the most popular time of the year for these photos, old-timey caption writers are working round the clock in their small, wooden shacks that has always been in the family, to write appropriate captions such as:

Spring Training

Doesn’t matter if you win or lose, but how you play the game…

Heaven

Here we are boys!

Of course there are always the mavericks of the group.  Alaister McCullough frequently writes racy captions such as: “Let’s play hard fellows!”

Intense.

But we can all agree: every journalist wrote an article about the beauty surrounding spring training fifteen years ago and has been subbing out team names in the same article ever since.  Kind of like this one time my dad took me to my first ball game…

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RACIST MEDIA THINKS CAM NEWTON IS “DUMB THUG” FOR NOT KNOWING THEY ARE RACIST

The mainstream media thinks Carolina Panthers rookie quarterback Cam Newton is a “dumb thug” for not knowing they are racist.  Weeks ago, when asked if he thinks the mainstream media is racist against him, Newton said “I blameJaMarcus Russell and to some degree Vince Young. If you have the opportunity to make that kind of money doing something you love to do, why would you screw it up? I’m trying to be a trailblazer.”

Stunning.

Look at that smile. Bet he has a gun on him.

“Only a thug idiot wouldn’t realize how racist we are,” said NY Daily News reporter Mike Lupica, “he clearly did not use his education in school.”

ESPN’s Rick Reilly added, “he’s in the ESPN NEXT issue.  NEXT!  He broke the rookie passing and rushing touchdown records and all we talk is white, perfect, beautiful Tim Tebow and he sucks!”

Newton barely spoke to the media all season, a sign seen as being “thuggish” and “stupid.”  Now he opens his mouth and won’t even acknowledge the clear racism in mainstream sports media?  What a thug.

Ed Note: THASS RAYCISS!!