Desperate times. Desperate measures.

The NBA Players Union pulled a fast one by sending only Boston Celtics center Kevin Garnett and Los Angeles Lakers forward Metta World Peace into the lockout meeting today with the owners. Derek Fisher et all arrived normally at the meeting, allowing the owners to enter first. Right as every last one fit inside, Fisher shut the door. Newly installed automatic locks sealed the doors and windows. The tra was sprung.

As the owners stared around in confusion, smoke flooded through the vents. Once the the mist vanished, only Garnett and World Peace stood in the room with the owners demanding to “settle this like men.” World Peace added: “yeah, or lions from the future.” Even Garnett gave Metta a glance after that one.

Rumblings and flailing was heard outside the room, but talking had ended and not much else could be decifered. Fisher, hearing the screams of the owners he once feuded with, stared a thousand yard stare out the windows muttering “what have I done?”

"Agreed, contraction is not the answer, but the fact remains our current revenue dividing system cannot survive a long term... I'm sorry the what on my head? Oh a baseball. I'm wearing a baseball.

– Mike Sweeney


It’s official: Ron Artest has signed with the Mon-Stars. The Lakers player signed a one year contract with the team paying him $800,000 space bucks with an opt out clause if the NBA lockout ends. Artest, soon to be Metta World Peace, ¬†will report to camp in one week.

The Mon-Stars expressed interest in Artest as early as May; however, the defensive-wunderkind was not sold. Many wondered if Artest would mesh with their mid-90’s style of play and racial hatred of all Toons. All agree this is great news for the Toon League, which has seen a stark drop in attendance since Bill Murray retired.

Screw Jordan, let Artest play baseball!

UPDATE: Lola Bunny will continue to coach the Toons from the sideline against Artest, her former fiance.

– Mike Sweeney