The biggest sporting event of the year, the Puppy Bowl, is over leaving many sports fanatics with no recourse but to drink incessantly until college basketball’s March Madness begins. Following the big game and media event the only available sports are the NBA and NHL stretch runs, which in no solid terms, fucking suck.
“I’m not even a Giants or Pats fan,” said Browns season ticket holder Marty Servick. “But the Super Bowl is the best day of the year, and this year it was an amazing game! Now what am I going to do? Watch LeBron James play two and half quarters against the Hornets? Let’s bet on whether or not the Phoenix Coyotes fold mid game or Ovechkin acts like a doushebag.* No thanks.” Marty says the only solution is to sit in a recliner and drink alcohol, preferably something with a “LITE” in it, until the “Tourny” begins.
*No bet. But it’d be Ovechkin.
Many fans made pacts to huddle in the same living rooms while eating anything fried or underneath melted cheese. “The calendar works as follows,” proclaimed cheese-head leader Craig Boyle:
“New Year’s Day. Preparation for da Super Bowl. Da Super Bowl. Boozernation. Dat’s hibernation and booze in da same word. Den Sports Illustrated’s swimsuit edition, which is great.* Den March Madness where we all root for our alma mader or anyone dat’s not Kentucky or Duke. Den baskebtall playoffs and hockey playoffs month 1 begins. Month 2. Den da Finals o’ both. Den baseball… so it’s like boozernation only mostly outside. Den training camp. Den pre-season. Den football.”
*Everyone nods in agreement.
Year well spent.
The cheering after Boyle’s speech lasted for a few seconds as each man fell asleep in his recliner with cheese hanging from his mouth.