“Oh score! This is fun.”
The NBA season is over and the news-cycle is dominated by the draft and Olympic team; but let us not forget the best “team” this season, the San Antonio Spurs, who watched the NBA Finals the right way. That’s right, unlike the Knicks, Lakers and attention starved Wizards, the pride of San Antonio watched the Finals with little fanfare.
Each teammate quietly gathered at Tim Duncan’s house or purchased a modest, mid-row seat that is not on center court. That is why these Spurs are the real champs. None of this loud LeBron look-at-me hoob-a-loo in press conferences; none of “Hollywood” Durant’s eye catching glasses; just plain, good old fashioned basketball watching. Here me now fathers of America: make your kids watch how the Spurs watch basketball. It’ll make them better watchers of basketball forever.
“Good lord none of them can hear me, I SAID REBOUND!”
Spurs coach Gregg Popovich was named Coach of the Year after taking an aging, bittle and horrible roster of ghoulish looking senior citizens to the playoffs.
“God they suck,” said analysts Jeff Van Gundy. “They are the worst, best team I have ever seen,” mumbled Charles Barkely as he sat on a chair made of cheeseburgers.
Pops really brought this team together: every game he brought along a priest, Rabbi, Imam, Buddhist monks and 3 Wiccan priestesses. Before each game all the ministers of their respective faiths went to elaborate lengths to beg their gods for mercy and to “just sneak away with a win.”
Turns out the gods were on Pops’ side all season. When asked what most of gods said, Pops answered: “we will slowly destroy Stan Van Gundy.”