PUJOLS TO ANGELS

Albert Pujols has signed with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim 90210.

PROS

Finally solves their lack of “greatest living player”

Can make all the other guys oogle at his World Series ring

Adds to their collection of first basemen / DH’s

Made everyone not talk about the Red Sox for 12 minutes

Let every blogger not write an article about that dumba** CJ Wilson signing

CONS

Really going to make Vernon Wells feel ridiculous now

If he is lying about his age, your one a**hole friend will never let you hear the end of it

Enraged Cardinals fans enough to swear and punch the air followed by nice meals with their families; everyone in Boston feels like a Caveman now

Angels owner Arte Moreno crossed fingers when promising to pay all that money

Prince Fielder really would’ve made that uniform pop