With the NBA lockout looming, Cleveland Cavaliers fans are dealt another blow to their collective sports psyche when they realize they will not be able to boo Lebron James this year. “When we lost Lebron, the only thing we had to live for was watching him fail,” a lifelong miserable Cleveland fan said (he wishes to remain anonymous). “It’s not like I’ve finished burning all my Lebron jersey’s yet. And all my ‘We are all Witnesses to your choking in the finals’ signs? What am I going to do with them now?”
The damage is further done to Cleveland’s local economy, as “Lebron Sucks” t-shirts have gone way down, and Lebron jersey sales have also dipped due to the fact that hipsters can no longer wear them ironically without an NBA season officially starting; the shirts brought in an estimated 29% of the city’s total income.
When asked about whether the terrible play and Lebron-like excuses by Browns running back Peyton Hillis, one fan pointed out that “yeah, but he needs to take us to the promised land and then crush our spirits and leave before we can really embrace hating him. Until then, we just have to live with it”. Peyton Hillis is rumored to have asked to be traded from the Browns, so there may be hope for the dreaded fans of Cleveland.
– Garron Chiu